How I Demanded to Rule The World and Where It Got Me

Meow! It's Charlie. I recently decided enough was enough. Eating only once a day and having to deal with goofy mutts was starting to get to me. So I made a plan of action.

I would simply wait for my human to come home and demand that she make me the ruler of the world. Simple, right?

I had made one fatal mistake in my otherwise genius plan. As I’m sure you’ve already discovered, humans are incredibly dumb.

Dumb enough that they can’t even understand the words coming out of my mouth.

So while I’m standing there shouting, “I cannot live under these conditions anymore. I simply will not. I command you to crown me the ruler of the living world,” all the human can hear is, “Meow! Meow, meow meow! Meow! Meow meow!”

The most embarrassing thing happened next. She started mocking me.

“Who’s a good wittle kitty? You are Charlie! Yes you are!”

You did not just call me a “good wittle kitty.” That is an insult to my dignity.

“Are you even listening to me Slave?? How DARE you ‘good wittle kitty’ me!”

But then the most unexpected thing happened.

“You’re talkative tonight…Did I feed you?”

Slave questioned her past actions. She doesn’t usually do that.

“Uhh…no! No, of course you didn’t feed me. Would I lie to you?”

“You’re pretty loud…Huh, I guess I did forget. Alright kitty kitty, let’s go get you some food.”

So while I’m not currently the leader of the free world, I did get two dinners, and that’s enough for now.

I’ll try again tomorrow.