Do Cats Actually Dislike Dogs?
Meow! It's Charlie. Mom once again had more questions for me. She must be reading too much Catster - I found the same questions to another cat on there. I need to get her some history books to read instead - preferably books about the Ancient Egyptians. They sure knew how to take care of cats!
Mom: Charlie?
Charlie: Mom?
Mom: Do you actually dislike dogs?
Charlie: If I say no, can I have some tuna?
Mom: No.
Charlie: If I say yes can I have some tuna?
Mom: No.
Charlie: Then I would prefer not to answer.
Mom: Charlie, do you like dogs or not?
Charlie: What are "dogs?"
Mom: They're... you know, dogs. Jett and Lily are dogs.
Charlie: Oh, you mean those drooling beasts you keep letting into my house?
Mom: Poodles and German Shepherds don't drool. And it's my house.
Charlie: Of course it is. *wink wink*
Mom: So you aren't a fan of dogs?
Charlie: You noticed they eat poop?
Mom: Coprohagia doesn't affect very many dogs. That isn't a good reason to not like the entire species.
Charlie: Lily AND Jett both eat poop. Dogs are stupid as well. The other day Jett ran in front of your bike to try and bite the tires and she got run over.* Congratulations dog.
Mom: Well that's instinct. Like when I wave a feather in front of your face and you paw at it.
Charlie: Don't bring my love for feathers into this!
Mom: Dogs were once hunters long ago.
Charlie: I'm surprised they aren't extinct. Today they hunt tooth paste, oven mitts, and bird poop. All regular food groups for dogs.
Mom: I saw you eat toilet paper once.
Charlie: I was wiping!
Mom: Your tongue?
Charlie: It was once!
Mom: Any other reasons you hate dogs?
Charlie: They poop everywhere. I have a box, you have a bowl, but dogs think they have the whole world. Even the kitchen floor!
Mom: You've peed on my bed before.
Charlie: There was a stray cat outside! I was marking you and my house.
Mom: Aw, you wanted everyone to know that I was yours? That's so sweet Charlie!
Charlie: Don't take it too personally. Finding good help is really hard. Especially when you can't drive.
Mom: Oh.
Charlie: Dogs (and slaves too) are so needy! If you just go to check the mail without them, they cry and cry until you get back. Once you come back inside they jump on you like you just came home from a decade-long war. To be honest, when you went on vacation I only noticed you were gone because the lady who looked after me gave me extra food. You never give me extra food.
Mom: That's because you're fat.
Charlie: The nice lady taking care of me didn't think so.
Mom: When I came back you had gained like 10 pounds.
Charlie: Not true.
Mom: I could barely even lift you.
Charlie: The ocean must have made you shrivel.
Mom: That's not how oceans work.
Charlie: Sure it is. And if anybody can explain to me what fetching is then I'll let them scratch my chin.
Mom: Again, it's instinctual. They think they are hunting.
Charlie: But they aren't. That's why they are dumb.
Mom: Chasing a tennis ball for them is like that feather I put in front of your face.
Charlie: You leave my feathers out of this.
Mom: Could you possibly not like dogs because they chase and bark at you sometimes?
Charlie: What? Why would you think that?
Mom: Because they chase and bark at you sometimes.
Charlie: Must be some other fabulously beautiful cat. I run from no one.
Mom: How about this - is there anything you do like about dogs?
Charlie: I like it when you take them to the vet. They must HATE that. And, I get an hour of peace and quiet.
Thanks for reading! How do you feel about dogs? Comment below! Chow!
*Jett was perfectly fine, luckily for her Mom was going a slow speed.
