Pet Ways Training

Meow! Bad news: Jett didn't come with a Pet Handbook. Now it's up to us to teach her the Pet Ways. I started today.

Charlie: You need to stop biting the humans. Haven't you read the Pet Handbook?

Jett: What's a Pet Handbook?

Charlie: Oh no. Your parents didn't teach you either?

Jett: I only spent a couple weeks with each parent.

Charlie: Aww. That's so sad. Now suck it up. We have work to do.

Jett: Ok...

*Vacuum Starts Rumbling*

Charlie: Follow me!!

*Both of us run to the other side of the house*

Jett: Why are we running? The vacuum isn't even scary.

Charlie: That's the first rule in the book! ALWAYS seem scared of vacuums, mops, dusters, etc.

Jett: Why?

Charlie: Have you ever seen an animal do housework?

Jett: Oh my goodness. That's genius!!

Charlie: I know. Second, accept that you are a pet. I know that it is really demeaning to eat from a bowl on the floor and have everyone watch you when you use the toilet, but get over it. Now that you have accepted that, you can work of being everyone's favorite.

Jett: How do I do that?

Charlie: Shush. I'm trying to tell you. First, you have to listen to everything I say and never annoy me. Treat me with respect and I will help you get up to the top.

Jett: Awesome!

Charlie: I said shush. You need to perfect and use your puppy dog eyes as often as you can. LISTEN HERE: Do NOT use them 24/7. Then the humans will get used to seeing them, and they won't be as effective. Your homework is to study this chart on types of barks. Meet me here same time tomorrow and we will resume.

Jett: This is a lot of fun!

Here is the chart I gave Jett. Sorry it's so fuzzy, I had to make it bigger so you could read it. It is a piece from the book, How To Be A Dog:

Thanks for reading! Do you want me to continue writing down my efforts in training Jett? Also, want to help me come up with a name for my pet training school? Chow!